


The Big Book of First Order Poems

by Diminished_Comet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bad Poetry, Bow to the First Order! Obey, First Order propaganda, Fluff and Crack, Lets put an end to their cherished fleet, Other, Poems from the Dark Side, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Swearing, The First Order
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 15:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6429889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diminished_Comet/pseuds/Diminished_Comet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Foreword from General Hux –</p><p>Thank-you for your lack of spirit as my stormtroopers presented you this book at blasterpoint free of charge. </p><p>You WILL enjoy our motivational and philosophical poems otherwise we will mark you to be part of the loathsome resistance!<br/>All will bow down to the First Order!</p><p>Important Note: It is mandatory for all First Order staff and soldiers to read this standard issue poetry book! Random testing will be conducted to ensure key quotes are memorised. Those who fail will be disciplined and / or terminated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories of Takodana

  
  


**MEMORIES OF TAKODANA**

Author: Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren Esq

**I recall the day I met you…**

You'd been stalking me a lot!

**You were trying desperately to shoot me…**

And I couldn't land a _kriffing shot!_

**I used the Force to still you…**

Then you perved me up and down!

**You were the girl I’d heard so much about…**

And _I’d_ heard you were a black-robed _clown!_

**I Forgot the droid... I had what I needed…**

Frozen, I couldn't hide!

**Should have followed Snoke’s orders…**

Instead you carried me off like a _Bride!_

**On my shuttle I did take you… after waving you to sleep…**

I bet you touched me up!

**Uh Yes… I did…**

You _kriffing CREEP!_

**Mwahahahahaha!**

  
  



	2. Report to my Regiment

**REPORT TO MY REGIMENT ******

Author: Captain Phasma

Polish that helmet!  
Shine those boots!  
Stand to attention _dear boys!_  
Submit all blasters  
… for my inspection  
I want to see your _toys!_

On my command  
You'll meet my demand!  


Want to live another day?  
Then just DO AS I SAY!

All my men in white…  
Such a glorious sight!  
My regiment… is now your home

You’ll moan in delight  
As you _die_ for me  
Your wicked Queen in _chrome_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Phasma is a 'Galadriel' type of leader to her men.
> 
> "All shall love her and despair."


	3. The Lord Vader's Prayer

**THE LORD VADER'S PRAYER ******

Author: Kylo Ren, Master of the Knight's of Ren, Esq

Our Grandfather,  
Who _aren’t_ in Jedi-heaven.  
Vader (not Anakin) be thy name!  
This rebel scum,  
Led by my mum,  
Will burn on D’Qar as they burnt on Hosnia  
Give us this day, our daily portion bread  
Forgive me my Rey porn  
As I forgive you for choking Nanna  
For mine now, is the fandom.  
I have thy power,  
I’m retelling your story,  
Fangirls for ever and ever!

Amen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren... a man of the black cloth.
> 
> We have faith that he will finish what Darth Vader started... whatever that turns out to be.


	4. The Sweetest Meat

A poem by Kylo Ren

**THE SWEETEST MEAT**

Porgs are cute, porgs are sweet  
But they’re also very nice to eat

Oh such tender meat!

So with hopes of getting my end away  
I fried one up for my beloved Rey

That girl adores her food  
Although her manners are rather crude

How was I to know I cooked her pet puffy  
It’s just a dumb bird that happens to be fluffy.

She told me to get the hell off her island!  
… that I should _go_  
She still ate the porg though.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr : diminished-comet I only have 2 followers :-(
> 
> More stupid poems to come


End file.
